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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2008.12.18  23.25 So I am at mikes grad. Why why why why me.

	2007.08.27  05.25 jaded will it hit me, i am jaded, i am now that guy that go's out and finds n one around me intresting in any way. clubs bore me now and the people now all look the same to me. faceless maske that dont matter, alot like most of the people i know, FACELESS. they dont matter to me any more. the people i love, i only need my hands to count them! it so ODD to me. before i loved being around so many people, but now i hate it. it makes me feel sick. Im bored with all of it! people i meet now a days i cant remember their names, and i dont care. i have now time to really know them, caze in the long run i wont want to. so like i dont see what i see any more<----- what dos that mean!------> the way i saw life is not the same now like it was before. this guy GIO said to me "you should talk to him!" WHY "caze he is not the same, he is brave now and wont take your shit," My shit wow he dos not know me any more. Moise said to me" the sould just be your self" but he never met the old me! 2 diffrent people they are ! Alex Vs. Malyx my inner fight with my self. god only knows about that! one day this guy jesse told me that if i was sick was the only way that he would really ever talk to me again. so what did i do... LIE " im fine, Doctor told me im Fine" the last time i saw a dorctor i was so young and he told me then i was FUCKED up (i wont say HOW) but yes i have a problem you dont need to know what it is. but every one has issues! mine you just can take a pill for. but i wont take it! i dont want to take a pill that will make it all better. it will changes me in to some others will like .yes. but what about what i like, i dont like me when im not really me! i like me when i am really i am better off that way in my mind. fuck a doctor! no that note back to what i was saying. i am now jaded. clubs are now fun any more. most people suck and i would rather be alone with the people i can count on my hands then deal with all of it! OH. and i never said it then . but i will say it now.."WOW you won a Myspace Fight... you must be the cooless" Ok im out !

	2007.07.11  16.06 so i got a new one! i got a new tattoo....its so me ... small and cute! and this is who i went with! i love them! Mood: happy Music: The Bravery

	2007.07.07  04.24 so i am at home i am at home, oys 4 30 in the morning, i dont sleep anymore! well at night any way! i wish i did! i love that i have moved on in the world! i can breath! i think thats funny, i can say that and know its true! i can feel again, i love this feeling that i can feel again, i am not nume to the world around me! i, i, i, i am all about what i want! god i feel good! Mood: happy

	2007.06.27  15.39 Hello, Thank You, and Goodbye i guess i know what i know... i have gone through friends like i have gone through underwear. life is short... so i cant do what i think i can to .. i change hourly but i still love u ! but i cant fight with people any more my life is 2 good for that ! so .. this is how my life is now HELLO THANK YOU AND GOOD BYE

	2007.06.24  01.33 i am off the meds. so i am off the meds... the frist time in a few days... i feel ok now.. the attacks have stoped for now! i feel ok i guess i miss my friendss i hurt hummm ok

	2007.04.18  15.56 so i so i have come up with some stuff thats white hot and really really cool.... i will post it as soon as editing is over...Later

	2006.12.29  07.53 so i have started i am finaly geting to a happy point in my life! i have started doing my art again! and i am finaly leting go of all the shit in my life that hurst me! it took a long time but i am fianly leting 9years, 7years, 4.5years, and 2.5years of friendship got! I CAN EXHALE! BABY STEPS! Mood: calm Music: WHITE O. MUSIC

	2006.12.08  22.35 so i guess you fucked up 4 the last time... you cant go back now i mean, how would you! what left do u even have? you fucked up your mind! so there gos your body! i hear your lovelife suck! and i reember how boring you really are! i dont miss u, i just thought i did! i in a way a new person after you r now gone from my life! i dont miss u, i just thought i did! but to this day i still ask about you when i see some on that knows you, and thats where i hear you r one fucke up person form (people that know you and i ) i want to be in your mind just to know how you feel and what you think!, i know your not the prson you ones where.....u suck now! yiou have let it take you away! the music is gone, the magic is died, the power and the glory missing! i would cry for u when they told me this, not any more , i cant cry 4 you at all i dont know you, so i dont see you! so now i dont love you like i did! and you cant get it back from me my mind is sleeping my body is slowing my hart is stoping! this is my vent, i will dont it till i donr have to nay more! Mood: blah Music: non

	2006.12.07  23.23 pot wow... i just found out that some people have hit the bad zone! fucking pot heads!..... u fucking suck!

	2006.12.05  05.50 now i know what its like to feel wow... now i know how to feel about this. why is it that my life is just going down like this! but thank god for the friend that came over to talk to me... not meany people ever can help me! what ever! i will find my way!

	2006.11.28  05.19 this is why i dont date i dont date for 3 reasons 1)i always get hurt!... no matter hopw you look at it i some how get hurt... if they do it or i do it to my self! 2)they r never goood in bed i haD one good lover in bed Mr.F every one else sucked and that means you 2 austin! 3)they all treat me like shit all of them and i dont want t deal any more! Mood: annoyed

	2006.10.20  21.29 the act of acting wow.. the act of acting is a very funny funny thing...only caze you dont know who your firends are until its two late to take it back!...i feel used by some people in my life...some are new people and some are old! but all around they acted like a friend when they were not! i am not mad, i am not sad, i am now a diffrenet person becuse of this!i now know that other then a small hand full of people that is nothing left for me hear! and you know what that fucking sucks! some times i wish high school never ended! but it did!... some times i wish my old life neve ended but it did! some times i wish i had my old firends but i dont! some times i wish two much so i wont! im dont wishing for alot of thing...like a: .a new car .that specal one .to be happy i am happy and i still dont have all i want!... but i will so when it comes it comes! and untill then me and my white night will have some fun! Mood: cold Music: the person on the other sid of the roon working on a paper!

	2006.10.20  07.52 i feel like i have had to start over! well now i feel like i have had to star over again. now i have to do it again where everything i do is like walkng on egg shells![that sucks] i mean dont get me wrong i love my friends but, they dont get me at all! i dont think they will... but i will have to work with them just like i did with my other firends to get to a point that makes evey one happy! [i need a new gay friend the one i have sucks] one day one day one day! and u know what its odd not haveing a Best-best firend any more, thats a first for me!... thats so odd! I FEEL ODD! i hope i move soon ! Mood: sad Music: the girl next to me RPGing

	2006.10.03  00.52 Life is so funny some times! all ups and downs

	2006.09.21  01.44 i am one again 4 now so it hit me wile i was in the shower.....the one thing that i have over THAT...i have never bin Desperate....even when i was at my worst...fucking guys i didnt want..but they wanted me..LOL...(i can joke about that now)...i was still never Desperate Mood: relaxed Music: Ms. Apple

	2006.09.21  00.41 my body and my mind my body and my mind work as 2 different systims my body gos... like it should works like it whould! my mind gos... nothing like it should...it makes me feel sick alot...i fall in to my own world alot and it is nothing like the world i live in...im my world...im the best its like a TV show and there is always something to do...in the real world it is nothing like that and going back and forth i get sick alot! i cant sleep...my mind just jumps around and my body wants to sleep I NEED TWO SLEEEP Mood: depressed Music: nothing...there is no sound

	2006.09.20  20.40 death rays come form my eyes AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH stop for a moment! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.......im out of breth! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! ok im done WTF! why is it that FUCK I CANT EVEN TALK ABOUT IT LATER Mood: confused Music: slipnot!

	2006.09.18  02.32 hummm im bored and i cant get TEX out of my mind....i should call him fuck that im sleepy, this 2 shall pass Mood: annoyed Music: Ms. Apple- paper bag

	2006.09.16  21.41 if left to there own devisees I am left to my own devisees, I have read all I need to read, my mind runs off on it own, sleep I must, life is boring to my now. My momzy was right “the spoken word is a powerful thing” I whished and whished for my life to be simple and now it is…I am bored…so now I am left to my own devisees… we all know what that means I have to find something to do Drugs…NO Drinking…NO Sex…NO Ponder ways to die…NO Its all bin done, my mind is bored my creativeness is missing, my friends are out of town, my mind is till going Movies…NO TV…NO Masturbation…I did that (LOL) I ponder some more is my life just become meaningless, was that it, I was done when High school ended…NO I think I know what it is, I am down with Florida, I want out, I have to go, Chicago, that is where I have to go, I feel like I have to puke…9:58 I want to run away, just to find some thong fun to do But I cant go and I cant stay, I have to do something on my own two feet and I will, I can never look back, what is behind me is a world of sadness with people that make me sad, I want more to do I will go find it NOW! Mood: melancholy Music: Tegan and sara

	2006.09.16  01.15 i would stay but my mom is comeing to get me now! LOL....ok so tonight was funn but different, OMG so cassi, eric and i went to city streets, some odd skate pack to see Jesse's show (SSR rox my sox) so lets start form the we walking every one is 12..and we are all out of place Cassi and eric to my side we cut up...Jokes fly all over Now the men or boys... ok so first came skater with pick helmit...cute like 17 DORK...cassi and i went over to the big rampes with the camera and he tryed to show off but still cute and when SSR went on every where we went he moved LOL... but i would never tuch that ! number 2 HOT GUY IN THE BLUE 18 every where he moved we did! i have no more to say so HOT OK there was Tall guy..LOL JUST A DORK 16 wanted cassies ass...no more to say MIke that guy was 21 and he worked there LOL so ugly wanted to talk to cassi so bad so funny! cassi got him to hold her motsarela sticks (i spelt that wrong) they where bad! so BAD...now she is going to gorga! and then the guy i liked that i didnt tell them about... he worked there sound guy short and cute, quite...i would fuck him all night! (yes im a hoe) and the kids there are so Evil eyed drity looks all over and we gave them back! HIGH 5 TO US bet time in a long time..........even if eric didnt have fun or did he! Mood: happy Music: hellogoodbye new CD

	2006.09.13  19.25 i like apple pie i like apple pie... but that has nothing to do with what i am about to talk about so i tryed again to tell me family that im gay! well it didnt work again.... they are really just trying get away from it but what ever but... my momzy told if i am gay the she will not be happy about it but she will deal with it! FUCK IN A O YEAH 24th ORLANDO yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mood: awake Music: I dont know

	2006.09.09  01.31 boring is broing ok ... so i was talking to my best girl firends about what i like... and i like boring guys, guys that dont do much, i think is the best thing in the world!... im always out and i want some one who wants to stay in or is just like "ok we can go i guess" lol... i think its cute but... fuck... i mean this guy have pushed it to the limte of how much i can take in a 2 min. talk i havce come to the conclution that i want a guy that is boring... but not blank blank people just suck!!!! Mood: lazy Music: hellogoodbye new CD

	2006.09.08  01.02 My tummy wants to just explode What is it with me this time? So I met some one…he’s not my type at all (no mowi nixs guy lol) but fuck why is it I think I like him. Wow… I mean I don’t have feelings like this, W/E I think I want C on my F ! lol I FEEL SO GOOD , cassi and I went to get my momzy YEY I feel good…! I hope I feel like this tomorrow I WANT A BARETO….so fucking good (thank u girls) I want that forever kiss! Just so I can stop looking! Mood: blank Music: No music MTV,s NEXT

	2006.09.02  00.56 SeX mother Fucker.... so this is how it works... when i am getting sex it sucks and i never cum but but i want it, and when i am not getting sex i need it all the time even if it sucks! fucking A hummmm... o well... this is odd... i want to date guy with the name London for some reason that is a hot name! more random thoughts Mood: horny Music: Ms. Apple- paper bag